Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
