My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
