On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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