I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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