too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
