I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
