i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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