I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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