try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
