He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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