five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
