I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
