There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
