I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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