Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
