fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
