mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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