I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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