I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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