All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
