i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
