omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
