hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Found the puke drawer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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