Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my being single is dangerous.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
