dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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