So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
