My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
