i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
