Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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