I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
