can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
