Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
