i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize