what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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