Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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