The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
