It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
