hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize