i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
