I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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