Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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