I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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