I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
