you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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