my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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