i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
