I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
