So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
