I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize