Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
