Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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