Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
