I think i sorta joined a cult last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
