Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
