just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
