mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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