i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
