I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
