When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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