I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
