just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
