Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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