i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
