he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
