I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
