You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
