um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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