Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
