i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
