Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
