Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize